November 2024

Many things have happened since the last time I journaled. It has got to the point that I almost feel completely lost and not sure how to move forward.

To do or not to do? This or that? What really matters to me? What really matters in life? And above all, what really matters NOW?

Guess that I need to jot things down to start re-gaining clarity.

November 19

Two weeks ago, I made a leap of faith and decided to go to the gym. The decision cost me quite a lot (money, time, energy, etc.), and I am still not sure if it was a wise choice. Anyway, what’s done is done.

Part of the decision had to do with the fact that I got struck by a cold – again (just 2-3 weeks after the cold in September-October). It was not quite as unforgiving as the one I got back in the day, but still… it made my progress come to an abrupt halt.

So abrupt that I got quite … angry, I may say.

Something was not right, I thought. “I need to make a radical change to my routine.”

That thought drove me to … well, you know what it is.

Almost 2 weeks have passed since I first went to the gym. And right now, I am feeling quite … burnt (not completely out yet).

That said, I hope that it will be for the greater good.

Though I cannot be sure if my body has changed much since then, I hope eventually, my investment will pay out.

Anw, where to begin? What do I need to do today?

I have 3 classes to run this evening, so I need to finish preparing the materials for them this morning. After that, I need to get back to my part-time job for a while (OK, just done with it already), and then resume my Japanese study and take care of this blog.

I have an idea for the November-December 2024 edition already, but I will need to work on a few articles in advance before proceeding with it.

Well, I guess enough for journaling today. Tomorrow, if I can afford it, let’s jot down a few more things.

Tenki ga iikara, hajimemashou!

(12:10 PM GMT+7 – November 19, 2024)

Somebody just turned on Christmas music in the office where I’m working. There’s still one more month until Christmas, but it seems that everyone is already hyping for it.

For some reason, the end of December (the time around Christmas) has always been a favorite time of the year for me. Even though it does not snow and is not very cold in the southern part of my country, I’ve always been thrilled by the atmosphere at this time. The mild cold, the wind, the Christmas tree, the music, etc. everything is just so good and memorable!

People always refer to Christmas as the season of love and reflection. After all, it marks the end of a year and the beginning of another one. It’s about hope, faith, change, and rejuvenation.

This year has been pretty special to me so far. It marks the first time that I don’t have a full-time job in an office. Things have not all been as I had expected, but I hope that I have done my best (and learned quite a lot along the way).

Well, I guess that’s it for now. Let’s get back to work!

(01:20 PM GMT+7 – November 19, 2024)

November 21

I woke up pretty tired and, well, dizzy this morning. For the last two nights, my nose got irritated whenever I went to sleep. It kinda affected my sleep significantly.

Why can’t my body just be normal and stop complaining?

Guess that I may never know the answer (or at least, a definitive answer). I just have to keep moving.

Anw, where am I now?

I remember many days waking up not knowing what to do (like today). To be honest, I believe there are a lot of things to do, and I DO know what to deal with. The thing is… I somehow just do not feel ready yet.

Why? Is it because I worry too much about the future?

Is it because I aspire to achieve so many things in so little time?

Is it because of my own greed – in other words, I desire to see results too much and too soon that I cannot muster the courage to take the first step and push through?

December is approaching, so I need to gear up for the next edition then. Then there’s the task of taking care of this blog, gymming (I really hate it; sometimes, I feel that I have been coerced into it – by external factors and by my own ignorance), teaching, my part-time job (sooner or later, I will have to let go of it), and Nihongo no benkyou. (speaking of which, I have to research for … as soon as possible, and to practice Kaiwa and Choukai too)

This evening, I’m free from 07:30-10:00, so I guess let’s make use of that time to prepare for tomorrow and Saturday’s lesson plans.

(09:30 AM GMT+7 – November 21, 2024)

November 22

I guess that I’m going to stay at home today rather than going to the co-working space as usual. Gymming has been stressing me out physically, and this afternoon I have to go to the gym early. Not to mention, I also need to visit the bank, so … maybe it’s better to be at home instead of traveling somewhere.

It was discovered yesterday that I had lost 2kgs after 2 weeks of physical training (and a little bit more muscle weight). Not sure if it is something to hype for, but I guess that means less likelihood of getting ill (which I am somehow very scared of now).

Anw, journaling has been getting me back on track (or so it seems). From my own experience, I highly recommend that you do it frequently. Especially if you are living on your own and have nobody close enough to converse with on a regular basis. For gaining clarity. And for maintaining motivation and direction.

Well, let’s get back to work. I have no time for games!

(08:40 AM GMT+7 – November 22, 2024)

November 25

A lot of money just went out of my bank account this morning. I feel that one of the things about installment payments and credit cards is that they give you an “illusion” of having a lot of money at hand and being able to buy whatever you want. But in the end, it’s not what you think.

This is a lesson that I learned a long time ago, which caused me to refrain from paying by credit card as much as I can – and to pay all pending debts at the end of every month (without letting them accumulate and escalate in the long run).

Sometimes, I feel that today’s capital-oriented world encourages people to indulge in vanities. The thing is, what for?

Mostly, it’s only for the business owners, the money makers.

We are given the illusion that we are receiving/ gaining something, but is that true? And even if it’s true, is it necessary at all?

Vanities of vanities! All is vanity.

A minimalist lifestyle, I think, is the only way for us to get out of this mess. After all, Memento Mori. Nobody escapes death, and it may come sooner for many of us than we expect!

Anw, today is Monday, so maybe I should not make it too dark. Let’s consider what’s on the plate now.

I have 3 classes to attend to this evening. Luckily, most (if not all) of them have been prepared for already, so let’s cross them out.

Then there’s the gym session at 4:00 PM. (I really hope that the staff will stop trying to trick me into buying an additional package. This capitalist, non-value mindset… I’m sick of it)

Then there’s Nihongo no benkyou (including Kaiwa and Choukai too). No need to rush, but I hope I can keep it up.

And this week, I should start working on the November-December edition immediately. Otherwise, I may not have enough time to finish it before Christmas (I strongly hope I can). This edition’s theme is going to be extremely challenging, but I will do my best! Ganbaru!

And my part-time job, well… Let’s just note it down!

Ah, I almost forgot that I need to go to the bank to provide some personal details. Also, there’s the tax payment task that I need to deal with soon (Why am I hesitant to do it? Mendoukusai, that’s just how I feel about it)

OK, enough chit-chatting. Let’s smash it!

Tenki ga iikara, hajimemashou!

(09:10 AM GMT+7 – November 25, 2024)

November 26

I am feeling a little bit tired after yesterday’s weight-lifting session (and also after tending to 3 classes in the evening), so I guess I’m staying at home today to rejuvenate, get back on track, and start working on the November-December 2024 edition.

Why do gymmers consume a lot of meat on a daily basis? I just don’t get it. I guess it’s meant for building muscles, but still… deep down, I feel that something is inherently wrong with it. Something is not right about the costs required (literally and figuratively) for bodily strength.

What for anyway?

Many times, I hear the trainers talk about the reward of a beautiful, fitting body. To me, they are missing the main point of physical training – which is to have a healthy body. And what does a healthy body translate to? A better life in which one may contribute more and attain happiness.

It’s not meant for showing off, for pleasing the self. So fleeting, I have to say.

Anyway, just finished breakfast already. Today is going to be a long day – the day I start tackling the November-December 2024 edition. The topic is… well, I feel that it is going to cost me quite a little bit of time (and neuron cells too).

Why do I feel so inclined to go for it? Why not just a simpler theme?

Life and death – I have found that these are the things that I have always been fascinated with. Sometimes, people remark to me about the idea of creating articles about topics such as habit change. However, I just feel that they are somehow trivial and a little off-topic.

The themes that have been giving me the most inspiration – most of them have to do with life and death.

Well, I have chosen this path, so there’s no turning back now. That said, I guess let’s deal with the other things first. Let’s learn some Kanji lessons, practice Kaiwa & Choukai a little bit, and prepare the lesson plans for this evening’s 3 classes.

After that, I can start drafting the edition’s outline, jot down some ideas from other sources, read a related book & watch a movie for inspiration. No need to push me too hard on the first day – just keep going and trust that I will eventually make it on time!

Frankl, Mogi, Kishimi, Kurosawa, Martel, bucket, etc. Well, here we go!

Tenki ga chotto yokunai desu ga, tonikaku hajimemashou!

(08:15 AM GMT+7 – November 26, 2024)

November 27

I woke up a little bit early today. Last night was not very good in terms of sleep quality; a runny nose got me (seriously, when can I stop getting affected by it?).

Winter is definitely coming; just one more month before Christmas. Another year is about to pass, and yet many things are still on the plate. Though I might say that this year has been pretty transformative so far.

My left arm really hurts this morning. I guess it’s because of all the stretching, push-ups, and lifting sessions that have taken place in recent days. I hope that the pain will disappear soon.

The gymming session today is at 10:00; let’s try to get things rolling before then, and resume after lunch. The edition’s drafting is already in motion, though I feel it’s a little bit slow. After all, the topic is really tough; but let’s have faith, I guess.

OK, let’s just do it without thinking too much about it! Let’s continue reading articles & books (and watching movies) for inspiration! And maybe ask some superiors for their opinion too! (speaking of which, I am supposed to catch up with my mentor tomorrow)

(07:10 AM GMT+7 – November 27, 2024)

November 28

No gymming session today – what a relief! I got so stressed out after yesterday’s session that I fell asleep for the whole afternoon. Not so happy about the seemingly wasted time, but I felt much better after the long rest.

Today, I am supposed to catch up with my mentor. Not sure how it is going to go out; I hope that it will be OK. Mostly, I am looking to hang out with someone I trust – so as to regain myself and (possibly) get some inspiration for the edition and the upcoming months. Sooner or later (around the Lunar New Year holiday), I am going to make a leap of faith.

Anw, preparing for the edition has been costing me a lot of neuron cells. I guess let’s postpone everything else – including Nihongo no benkyou, teaching, and my part-time office job – so that I may fully focus on it!

Tenki ga iikara, hajimemashou!

(08:35 AM GMT+7 – November 28, 2024)

November 29

It got somehow cold, windy, and cloudy this morning. Winter is definitely coming! If only it didn’t cause my nose to get runny so much… Could not sleep well tonight because of the nose (and the result is that I was somehow dizzy this morning). I hope that one day I will be able to put an end to all of this allergy stuff.

Let’s just keep moving as much as I can. I am feeling a little bit stuck with the edition – maybe it’s time to read/ watch materials for some reflection and inspiration (just ordered two books to read; they are expected to arrive before noon).

Btw, just finished all of the lesson plans for today and tomorrow – I am feeling pretty relieved about that.

Christmas is coming! People in my co-working space are decorating the office and turning on Christmas music. I cannot help but feel as if I have become a child again whenever listening to Christmas music.

Maybe it’s time to revisit some childhood experiences!

(09:50 AM GMT+7 – November 29, 2024)