April 2025

Let’s get back to journaling. I am feeling as if I had been drifting aimlessly – being torn apart by several paths.

Deep down, I believe that it is greed that has been driving me crazy lately.

Now where to begin…

April 3

After a lot of thinking, I have decided to move forward and proceed with something. Not ideal, though, but I suppose I cannot afford letting greed get in my way.

I cannot help but recall this quote by Fridtjof Nansen:

I demolish my bridges behind me – then there is no choice but forward.

Well that’s what I have just done to myself, after a lot of internal dialogues. I cannot keep succumbing to bad faith.

Now that I have pressed the button, there’s no way but forward!

Let’s get back to my language study, while at the same time taking care of this blog – probably on the weekend. I have wasted so much time pondering things.

For the upcoming edition, I already have a few ideas in my mind. I hope I will be able to finish it without having my routine disrupted too much (like how it has happened before then).

Let’s jot them down into a draft – before going home then!

(03:43 PM GMT+7 – April 3, 2025)

Recently, it seems that there is very little good news on social media. Natural disasters like the earthquake in Myanmar, global conflicts, and the trade war (this one seems to be quite “trending” now), etc.

What is left for humanity then?

I cannot help but have a feeling that humanity is in for some serious trouble, especially considering that hate speech is everywhere (no matter which side people are on). Unless there are some kind of “miracles”.

Unless people still remember about the importance of conscience.

Maybe it’s time for us to look “inward” and see what we can do with what’s “in here” – rather than with what’s “out there”. The former is the only thing within one’s control.

One of my LinkedIn connections remarked about these things as like a “movie”. Well, I suppose, this is real life, so comparing it to a “movie” is kind of… I don’t know how to say.

Everybody is waiting for the end to come, but what if it already passed us by? Apocalypse arrives quietly; the chosen are herded off to heaven, and the rest of us, the ones who failed the test, just keep on going, oblivious.

Jonathan Nolan

Also, regarding the recent viral discussions about the Ghibli-style AI images, it seems that people are divided into 2 sides. Some just think of it like a joke – even as a way to make money (just look at the McDonald Mexico’s post). And many defend the Ghibli studio vigorously.

I have a feeling that the rise of AI has revealed a lot of ugly truths about today’s capitalist society. About the fact that we tend to care more about being rich than about something deeper. About the thing called “humanity”.

What makes us humans then?

One thing I notice about many busiensses today is that as soon as they figure that work can be done using AI, their immediate reaction is to think about cutting off their workforce. About “optimizing resources”.

There is this thing called “human resources”, but after all, it seems that in the eyes of many business owners, people are nothing more than some kind of tools.

Now what?

How about the way we think about ourselves? About this body? Is it just another tool for us to achieve the end?

(05:20 PM GMT+7 – April 3, 2025)

April 4

What do you feel when you wake up every morning?

People often say that with the morning comes hope. Hope for a better day. Hope for a new beginning.

As the Budda said

Every morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.

What shall I do today then?

It has been extremely tough for me to get back on track recently. But I managed to yesterday. Now is not the time to slack off, to lose the spree. Just keep doing it!

Back to my language study. And trying to get what I have been planning for rolling.

Ok, here I come!

(08:50 AM GMT+7 – April 4, 2025)

It seems that a lot of people (at least on my news feeds) are heeding the Ghibli AI image trend. I cannot help but reflect on the fact that: trend is just trend – it will be over one day.

And yet, as I have reflected previously, this trend seems to be really damaging. People are making fun of things that they have no idea about.

It’s an ugly truth about today’s capitalist society that, ironically, the popularity of AI tools has revealed.

…

Speaking of which, maybe I should revisit old memories. How about some music to make today better? To keep the hadou running high.

Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.

C. S. Lewis

(01:13 PM GMT+7 – April 4, 2025)

What is my true name, after all?

When do we say “true name”, what do we really mean?

Why do names have such power? Why does forgetting one’s “name” so terrible? As in the case of characters like Chihiro or Atem.

Some eventually recalled their true name, while some – like Rey Skywalker – decided to forge their own name. Their own legacy.

How about me? How about you?

Btw, I remember coming across a very hilarious situation this afternoon. Apparently, the team at one of my previous companies received a lead form from a person whose email includes the name “Lucifer”. And they kept talking about it on their WhatsApp group.

I wonder, is there anyone unconventional enough to choose the name “Lucifer” – either for themselves or for someone else?

Is a name just a name – or is there something deeper behind it?

(09:50 PM GMT+7 – April 4, 2025)

April 8

How do you feel every time you wake up in the morning?

Recently, I have been feeling down quite often. It seems that I need to go back to my workout routine soon to keep the energy level high.

What shall I do today?

Obviously, I need to keep sticking to my language study in the morning – while practicing something in the evening. And the afternoon may be dedicated to this blog, if I can afford it.

Let’s try to wrap things up soon this afternoon, so I can spend maybe an hour at the gym then.

I forgot to bring my earphones, but I suppose I can do without it. Not ideal though – but shikata ga nai.

Ok, here I come!

Tenki ga iikara, hajimemashou!

(09:02 AM GMT+7 – April 8, 2025)

Umi no kanatani wa mou sagasanai
Kagayaku monowa itsumo kokoni
Watashi no nakani mitsukeraretakara

(Btw, just got back to the gym after a long time. No problem with the personal trainers; phew! I hope I can keep this up)

(11:28 PM GMT+7 – April 8, 2025)

April 9

Not quite sure if it was due to the gym session yesterday’s evening, but it was quite hard for me to fall asleep last night. Luckily, I am not feeling too dizzy right now, so…

Let’s get back to work, shall I?

It seems really hot today; I wonder, how long will the weather be like this until the rainy season begins?

Let’s continue my language study this morning, and then get back to this blog in the afternoon. Then its’ the gym & I-Know-What in the evening.

I suppose my routine will be like that until the end of next month. That should give me sufficient time to prepare before the transition.

Ok, let’s get moving!

Tenki ga iikara, hajimemashou!

(08:34 AM GMT+7 – April 9, 2025)

April 10

Somehow, I am feeling a little dizzy this morning. As if a headache is creeping in. I hope things will get better soon.

What about yesterday? Not too shabby, but still… The evening was not as productive as I had hoped. Not to mention, some unexpected incidents almost caused me to become off track.

I hope today, things will go smoothly. My language study should be prioritized – especially choukai and kaiwa. But still, I am supposed to finish my N1 course soon, before the expiration date (otherwise, mendou).

I suppose I am going to pay a visit to a Japanese club this Sunday to see if it’s worth it. But that will be something to do later (at least I have marked it on my calendar).

What I do today is the most important thing.

Learning, part-time job (not quite urgent – but the sooner, the better), and the next edition (this one more important – though I have a little time to spare), gym (evening) and I-Know-What (whatever I can do).

OK, here I come! Feeling better compared to 15 minutes ago.

Tenki ga iikara, hajimemashou!

(09:10 AM GMT+7 – April 10, 2025)

April 11

I have to change my plan for this weekend; something unexpected happens. Haizz… Why this time? Why when I am just about to get warmed up?

It means I have one more week to prepare, but still…

Anw, maybe today I am going to spend more time on this blog. Still learning a litlte this morning, before going back to this blog and resuming what I have been doing. Let’s try to smash it soon!

Ok, here I come!

Tenki ga iikara, hajimemashou!

(08:58 AM GMT+7 – April 11, 2025)

April 16

I feel that I have been a little off track for the last few days. Let’s try to get me back on track then!

Seriously though, what’s the point of all these things?

A lot of things have been swarming my mind recently; and I have to make decisions on my own.

Many times, I feel longing for a time when I was still able to catch up with people face-to-face. I can go back to that time – and yet, I refuse.

I know that my “Way” lies somewhere else; and I just have to brace myself to follow that path.

Let’s get back to work then. Today, I suppose I am going to spend more time on this blog than on my language study; I’m going to revisit it probably later in the afternoon.

The gym… I suppose 3 times a week should suffice – for now. No need to do it everyday.

Ok, here I come!

Tenki ga iikara, hajimemashou!

(09:06 AM GMT+7 – April 16, 2025)

April 17

I think I should go to bed earlier. This morning, I woke up with a headache. Still manageable, but… I assume it’s a sign that I need to slow it down a little.

I hope that this headache is not gonna screw me up today – and that it is not going to require any medication.

Now, where to go?

I have decided to extend my N1 course for 2 more months; I assume that should give me enough time to finish the rest of the course. After that, I’m going to spend the months later preparing for the December test.

This way, I don’t have to adjust my routine too much. I can split my time between my language study, this blog, and my upcoming professional path.

The event that I was supposed to join last Sunday … well, I’m going to make it this time, this Sunday.

And then there’s the task of practicing communication; I need to do it in order to prepare for my upcoming path. Should not be worried about it too much though. Be present – right here and right now!

My part-time job… well, let’s try to create some articles today, probaly later in the afternoon. And to draft the content for the later half of the year.

Gymming… ok, no other choice. Shikata ga nai.

And this blog… well, ichinichi ippo.

How should I arrange these things then?

Guess that this morning should be dedicated to my language study => noon (listening a little bit) => afternoon (blog) => late afternoon (part-time) => evening (gymming) => late evening (listening + shadowing). Not perfect, but I guess that should do it.

Ok, I have wasted too much time. Let’s go! Hakuna matata!

(09:36 AM GMT+7 – April 17, 2025)

April 18

Fasting is not a really comfortable experience. And yet, it’s only a few days in the year, so…

What shall I do today?

I guess let’s just follow the routine that I mapped out yesterday – in a flexible manner. No need to try to hit them all; just make sure to do my best and finish the most important things.

Tomorrow is gonna be a day for resting.

I have a feeling that it’s only a matter of time – probably around one month – before my routine is changed completely. By then, I hope that I would have put things in order already.

Ok, let’s go! Hakuna matata!

(09:10 AM GMT+7 – April 18, 2025)

What is love anw?

What is this thing called Agape – as well as those like Ren, Mettā or Bodhicitta?

Are human beings capable of adhering to such ways?

(12:20 PM GMT+7 – April 18, 2025)

April 21

Hmm… just when I was about to leave the office, I came across something a little … (well, I don’t know how to say) on the news.

It is what it is, I suppose.

No man is an island,

Entire of itself;

Every man is a piece of the continent,

A part of the main.

If a clod be washed away by the sea,

Europe is the less,

As well as if a promontory were:

As well as if a manor of thy friend’s

Or of thine own were.

Any man’s death diminishes me,

Because I am involved in mankind.

And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;

It tolls for thee.

John Donne

(05:30 PM GMT+7 – April 21, 2025)

April 22

A lot of ambiguity seems to be in the air now. I hope that whatever is coming, it will be for the greater good! Life finds a way.

Now, how about what I’m gonna do today?

It’s getting really hot and humid; if only it would rain soon.

Let’s get back to my language study a bit – before resuming what I have been working on in the afternoon. If everything is OK, then the evening will be for gymming and learning.

OK, let’s move!

(09:10 AM GMT+7 – April 22, 2025)

April 23

It’s getting really hot recently. Not to mention, the traffic in the evening has been so terrible lately. I guess that’s what happens as the “celebration” date is approaching.

What’s the point of “celebration”, when what really matters is to help people’s lives better?

…

Speaking of which, what does it mean to live? What does it mean to be a human being?

Some people live as if they are not living; while others, even though are no longer, still “live” in people’s minds and hearts.

Sometimes, we hear people shouting: “Are you still human?”, “You are a monster!”, etc.

What does humanity mean? Are we – trapped in the daily hustle and bustle, and driven by today’s capitalist mindset – starting to forget what being a human being really means?

Sometimes, we have to die (metaphorically) to be reborn.

Do you ever think that when we go to bed every night, essentially we are going into death? A temporary death, so that we can be reborn in the morning?

Sadly, sometimes – for some people, they are not reborn in the morning. They (maybe you and I too) keep existing in a zombie-like state.

That’s what happens when we cling to something and refuse to let it go. Hatred, anxiety, divisiveness, ideology, plan, framework, etc. many things.

(09:20 AM GMT+7 – April 23, 2025)

April 24

I assume I am going to journal early today – while I’m still at home (instead of in the office).

Let’s learn a little bit before traveling. And then let’s work on it!

Up vs down… is it just an illusion?

If we want to make people go up, we have to be willing to go down and extend our hands. That way, everyone goes up.

Otherwise, if we only try to push them up, for sure we ourselves will be pushed down.

It’s just… common sense, physics, right? Who exalts himself will be humbled, and who humbles himself will be exalted.

(07:15 AM GMT+7 – April 24, 2025)

Some unexpected incidents have been causing me to get off track recently. Haizz… I suppose that I may need a break to keep things moving smoothly.

Let’s go to the gym then – I have skipped it for a few days already!

(04:17 PM GMT+7 – April 24, 2025)

Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love.

J. K. Rowling

(08:12 PM GMT+7 – April 24, 2025)