October 2025

The “wind” in my mind has been blowing more fiercely than ever. Guess that I need to spend some time calming it down. After all, the “storm” is coming, so…

What should I do from now on?

October 7

Today didn’t start out quite as planned. But hey, at least I finished a lot of things that I should have dealt with long ago. So…

Anw, what now?

I have an online course that is about to expire within the next 3 days. I suppose let’s should focus on going over it immediately within tomorrow (and probably the day after tomorrow too). Nothing else; just that.

After that, probably I should just proceed with the plan – without being bothered too much about the December test. Let’s do my best then!

二兎を追う者は一兎をも得ず。

(One who chases two rabbits will catch neither)

After all, I just received a call last week. Seems that my time is running out already; I have to find a reliable way to sustain my routine now. Even if that means forsaking the test. Not ideal, but… shikata ga nai.

Sometimes, I wish that I may receive a “hint from heaven” to know which path I should tread. And probably this time, it is this:

Honor thy father and thy mother that thy days may be long upon the land.

Tomorrow, let’s revisit the coffee shop as I did today then.

Well, here I come! (and btw, let’s visit the gym within this evening; it seems that it’s not going to rain after all)

(07:40 PM GMT+7 – October 7, 2025)

October 8

So… I’ve finally managed to get a few things off my mind. Let’s focus on what’s on the plate!

As mapped out yesterday, let’s just do one single thing – trying to finish the online course that is about to expire within a few upcoming days.

It’s so hard to shift the momentum, but I suppose once I get it rolling, then inertia will push me forward effortlessly.

I would really like to do something for this blog too – but I suppose let’s push it back, as I have promised to myself.

…

Haizz, it’s so difficult to concentrate. I suppose let’s go outside for a while to enjoy the fresh air then. Hopefully my mind will get clearer after that.

(10:36 AM GMT+7 – October 8, 2025)

Well, at least I crossed a milestone today; but I suppose I may need to reconsider the routine a little. Probably the coffee shop is not the best place for me to finish what’s on the plate now.

At the same time, what can I do to stay strong when there’s nobody around?

…

There should be a way to work around all of these stuffs.

Btw, it’s raining cats and dogs out there. Just when I’m about to leave and go home. Good timing!

Maybe I can take this as a chance for self-reflection – and for resolving some leftover tasks – then.

I don’t really like my streak so far. I have to constantly take breaks just to calm down.

Probably, the coffee shop has already served its purpose (for now – getting me to roll in the initial phase). Now it’s time for me to face the uncomfortable truth – face my own ‘Shadow’, on my own!

(04:57 PM GMT+7 – October 8, 2025)

Seems that it has FINALLY stopped raining now. What a rain!

If I had been out there… well, I should have been completely wet by now!

Well, maybe it’s time for me to go home! And to prepare to face the ‘Shadow’ tomorrow!

(07:07 PM GMT+7 – October 8, 2025)

October 9

I was wrong; it rained again after I left the coffee shop – and it rained terribly!

Anw, that was what happened yesterday; how about now?

Now is the time for me to face my own ‘Shadow’ – and beat it whin today and tomorrow!

Let’s do it!

Tenki ga iikara, hajimemashou!

(08:16 AM GMT+7 – October 9, 2025)

October 10

Let’s continue then! So far so… meh, but hey, things are still progressing.

Btw, I think there’s going to be a change in the plan… or should I say, a change of heart? Not out of laziness, but out of necessity.

Probably things will become clearer tomorrow, when I’m supposed to catch up with an old friend.

I was seriously thinking about going to the coffee shop, but now I think I will stick to the plan and stay where I am. After all, going to the coffee shop probably won’t fix the issue.

(08:45 AM GMT+7 – October 10, 2025)

Well, big surprise! I didn’t think it will be that way. Haizzz… I probably should spend some time calming myself down then.

So, again, there should be a change, right? Not what I initially expected, but… so be it!

(08:57 AM GMT+7 – October 10, 2025)

October 11

Do you sometimes wake up feeling like a loser? Well, I do! At least on days like today.

Geezz… feeling as if I’m dying inside. Not literally, but…

Why is it so difficult to arrange a meeting – especially at a time like this?

At times like this, it’s just normal for us to want to do something, right? Anything.

And yet, perhaps it’s in our best interests to just stay… still. To let things be.

There is no yesterday nor tomorrow. There is only today. Only this moment.

Breathe… breathe… breathe…

I am still alive, and that is truly a grace. A blessing.

No need to create any problem out of thin air.

…

Now what shall I do today?

Let’s see what’s on the plate now.

I suppose I have already made up my mind – to focus on sustain my routine now, instead of trying to hit the “vanity” targets. So that means:

• Looking for my next arrival point. Before that, I suppose I need one week to revise everything (that said, let’s do some research to, kind of, figure our where to go, shall I?)
• Gearing up for the Q4 edition. I suppose I can kickstart gathering the materials today.
• Preparing for my transition in my part-time job. I have notified my part-time employer already; now it’s time for me to start wrapping up everything – and moving on to a less impactful role (so that I can dedicate my resources to other more important stuff).
• Also (as I have been doing recently) finding another channel to sustain my routine. Can I just smash it within today – so that I don’t have to worry about it any longer? (let’s see)
• Gearing up for the Dec test – or maybe later (I have decided that it’s not worth it right now; a complete turning point, right? That said, I believe it’s for the greater good, so… just take it slow)

In which order should I tackle them then?

I cannot do them all within one day, for sure. That will dilute my efforts and make me unable to focus. So…

Maybe let’s do number #3 and #4 – the least brain-draining ones? The ones which I can comfortably do while being alone at home?

The others are important, but I suppose it’s better to tackle them in a social setting – like the coffee shop. And especially not when I’m in a zombie-like state like this.

Speaking of which, I need to spend time going to the gym too. Hope that it’s not going to rain when I’m about to go out.

It’s so gloomy now – the weather. Or maybe just me being gloomy within that I am troubled by what I see in the outside world?

Keep moving, I suppose. Keep crawling. Just moving forward – even when you cannot see anything.

I suppose the idea is that you stop being worried about arriving at any particular point – and just be yourself. So there is no difference between crawling and staying still at all. Stop worrying; that’s it!

Yeah, easier said than done. Especially when one is alone. Especially when one fails miserably (hey, no need to use “miserably”, right?). Especially when things seem so uncertain, and one has to make a choice without someone beside listening to and motivating them.

Self-discipline is no joke at all.

…

Well, maybe that’s enough reflection already. Just do something now!

Tenki ga chotto yokunai desu ga, hajimemashou!

(08:54 AM GMT+7 – October 11, 2025)

October 13

Almost half of October has passed already.

What have I done then?

Still moving, I suppose. Still crawling. Still heading forward. And that is the good news.

Now I am still doing. Still reflecting. Still thinking.

Today I am in the coffee shop – so I suppose I am in a good position to tackle the other points in my to-do list now. The thing is, will I do it?

What’s the trade-off?

What if I just keep doing what I have been doing – trying to check off the easiest ones before mustering my strength to smash the rest?

Sometimes I feel that following the conventional order – tackling what one is afraid to do first – may not work all the time. Sometimes I feel that it’s better to maintain the streak, to take advantage of inertia, instead of trying to break it. At least for someone like me. Someone in a similar situation.

Because that means I’m still moving forward, instead of spending time arguing with myself.

After all, I still need to improve my own physical strength – before I can head for the new direction. Without enough energy, it will be tough for me to follow that way (I know it – because I already had first-hand experience with it before). So that means I definitely should visit the gym more frequently (as much as I dislike it).

…

I guess that’s it. Let’s try to check things off the list – instead of diluting my efforts!

Let’s keep sticking to what I am good at – at least for now!

Tenki ga iikara, hajimemashou!

(08:30 AM GMT+7 – October 13, 2025)

October 14

So I caught up with my part-time employer, who also happened to be a previous manager of mine this morning. A few things have been settled… but above all, my chaotic mind has seemingly been cleared after a long time of isolation.

Now I know what I should do – which rabbit I should follow.

…

Back to my checklist for today. What shall I do?

So transV first, then creatV (probably by then, it should be noon already), then creatE, then the gym. In the evening, let’s do some chou. Then if I can spare some time, let’s do some research.

I suppose that should be it for today. Let’s smash it!

Tenki ga iikara, hajimemashou!

(09:35 AM GMT+7 – October 14, 2025)

October 20

Why does it have to be like this? A pesky cold just hit me yesterday. It’s not the end of the world – but also not comfortable at all.

Last week was somehow… productive, I might say. Not quite in the way I envisioned it, but at least I’m moving and checking things off the list.

This morning, something unfortunate happened. I went out to buy something for breakfast. But when I came home, I realized that they did not give me the full number of items I requested.

Haizz… why didn’t I check the items before leaving? Just right when I am so tired because of the cold. Or is it that they already gave me; just that I dropped one when I was driving? I suppose that’s a possibility; cannot know for sure though, given that I didn’t check what they gave me.

Either way, my bad. Cannot blame anyone but myself.

I suppose for now, let’s try to check more things off the list – before getting back to the main work when the cold has already subsided. Really, I hate being sick.

And to make things worse, the weather is so… unbearable right now.

I also need to have a haircut soon – maybe today or tomorrow.

(09:09 AM GMT+7 – October 20, 2025)

October 21

I woke up feeling somehow better compared to yesterday. I hope the cold will subside soon – and things will be back to normal by tomorrow.

Well then, let’s try to check a few more things off the list – before (probably) getting to the main task tomorrow.

I definitely need to have a haircut today. Maybe in the late afternoon, I guess – when my productivity is, generally, at its lowest.

The weather today seems more comfortable compared to yesterday. My weather app predicts that there’s a 63% chance of rain today. I hope it will – just not when I’m out.

Speaking of which, I think today I started earlier compared to most other days. Well then, probably just a result of me taking the time for rest and rejuvenation yesterday.

Well, time to go!

(07:18 AM GMT+7 – October 21, 2025)

I guess I need to write it down to toughen my resolve then. Otherwise, I’m just gonna go astray and get lost.

I have finished every side task already. Already! No more loafing around.

Tomorrow is the time for me to get to the main task – right away! No compromise!

And before tomorrow, I need to have a haircut, visit the gym, and clean my room this evening.

(07:29 PM GMT+7 – October 21, 2025)

October 22

So back to the coffee shop again. I suppose it is going to be 3 weeks – 1 month of intensive work. Unless I can find a way to speed things up.

Probably I can, but let’s not think too much about it. After all, let’s get things done – so that I can gear up for my next path as soon as possible. I need something to sustain my routine – and to prevent me from falling into a state of chronic numbness.

I just took a “leap of faith” and did something. Not quite a “leap of faith” – I suppose it’s an overstatement, given its little significance. But still…

Sometimes, you just need to get what is stirring within you out, instead of trying to suppress it. Opting for the latter is not a healthy choice.

Anw, let’s get back to work!

It seems a little… gloomy today (it rained heavily last night, so that’s understandable). But from what I can see now, it’s going to get sunny (and probably hot) soon.

Well, what am I waiting for? Let’s smash it!

(08:36 AM GMT+7 – October 22, 2025)

Why did I choose to embark on the path of philosophy? Why did I have to make my life so complicated and “miserable”? Why did I have to subject myself to such abstract readings?

If I had chosen the path of personal development – as it is widely understood and practiced – I suppose taking care of this blog would have been much easier, and I would have much more free time to do whatever I will to.

I don’t know. Maybe just because I care for something more than an ordinary existence.

Because I care for the “truth”. And the quest for the “truth” is what brings me happiness. Some type of intrinsic happiness that I know, deep down, is real.

I don’t think I’m qualified to be referred to as a philosophy student yet. I’m still learning. Still trying to figure out my own Way. Still ignorant about a lot of things.

At the end of the day, whichever path one chooses, as long as it brings one happiness and a sense of meaning, then I suppose it is the right path.

…

Anw, maybe I should go to the gym this afternoon. It rained heavily last night; I had no choice but to skip the gym session after visiting the barbershop.

I need to draw a line between daytime and nighttime then. Nighttime is for entertainment and “meditation” – slowing down my own mind. Not for work. Not for study. Those are meant for daytime.

This is something I learned the hard way as I spent the last few days at home. There is no line – no separation between work and life. And I got extremely burnt out.

(01:37 PM GMT+7 – October 22, 2025)

October 23

Let’s keep moving then. The clock is ticking; it’s almost the end of the month already.

It seems really challenging for me to do things in the evening – unless, probably, I skip working in the afternoon. I suppose that’s one solution, but perhaps not the optimal one.

Maybe I should try to to start the day with either gymming or studying then. Either way, maybe I should push the gym session to sometime earlier; not sure if it has been causing me to have trouble falling asleep lately.

That’s challenging, I suppose. Because it means I may have to sacrifice a few hours of working in the afternoon. Or, maybe I just need to find something light to eat before the gym session.

…

Well, let’s think about it more later!

(09:15 AM GMT+7 – October 23, 2025)

Just when I was ideating, I got a black screen out of nowhere. Luckily, everything was saved and nothing was lost after I reset my laptop.

What a “heart attack”!

I should try to get things done soon then – without wandering too much. It’s almost lunchtime already.

(11:05 AM GMT+7 – October 23, 2025)

So tired and worn out – and yet so… content, I might say. When one is in a flow-like state – so absorbed in something that exceeds the self that one completely forgets about time and even their own hunger.

Well, I suppose let’s take a break and have lunch, before resuming my work this afternoon. After all, resting is good for my mind to calm down and be at its best again.

(12:44 PM GMT+7 – October 23, 2025)

October 24

I suppose I am going to stay at home today to do a few things – instead of visiting the coffee shop. Next week, I will return.

Can I finish this big task within the next week? A little challenging, but if I can do it, then I will be much more confident pursuing my next path.

Let’s hope and pray that will be possible then!

(08:52 AM GMT+7 – October 24, 2025)

October 27

It’s pretty gloomy – and cold – this morning. Is winter coming? Probably.

Winter – the end of the year. The end is just the beginning. Spring, summer, fall, winter… and then spring.

Will it mark a new beginning for me – soon?

That is what I am aiming for. That is why I’m doing what I’m doing right now – trying to wrap up everything as soon as possible.

Can I try my best to finish the big task by the end of this week? A little ambitious, as I have figured. But hey, let’s hope!

(08:40 AM GMT+7 – October 27, 2025)