It has been a long time. And now, here I am - back again!
It was not easy, but I decided to skip journaling in August, so that the migration could be finished smoothly.
It took much longer than I expected. As of now, it's not even completed yet. I was hoping to wrap it up before writing again, but it seems that time is not on my side.
So... let's go! Let's keep jotting things down - even when everything is still a mess!
Sometimes I think about my decision to migrate and wonder if I made the "right" choice. If it was completely necessary. Sigh... But I suppose agonizing over it is of no use.
Once you have taken the leap, you just have to go with it until the bitter end!
Anw, next week is likely to be chaotic, so I'd better prepare for it right now!
(07:45 AM GMT+7 – September 5, 2026)
I'm not quite sure what is gonna happen today. I suppose the only option for me now is to wait, and keep pushing forward as much as I can.
Should I hope, or should i just let it be?
Most of us are so attached to the should that we become completely unable to see reality as it is. That we end up worrying about unnecessary things and causing needless suffering - not only for ourselves, but also for those around us.
If only people could see it... Sadly, most seem to prefer the pleasures of illusion over the pain of truth.
Like the father who refused to open the door for his son to come in. He was so consumed by an illusion that he let the truth slip away - and lived forever in grief and ignorance.
(08:09 AM GMT+7 – September 7, 2026)
As expected, this week, so far, has been pretty chaotic. Not what I envisioned, but still... I didn't expect to have my schedule messed up until the end of the week. (and probably that will not be the end)
Which means my time has become even more precious...
Which means I should try to narrow down my checklist and focus on the most important things right now.
If only I had somewhere to lie down. I really crave a nap, which is - right now - a luxury, unfortunately.
(01:47 PM GMT+7 – September 9, 2026)
Almost forgot to journal. I have been so immersed in my own agenda.
But honestly, what can I write down here?
It feels so surreal to think about how my mind has completely changed compared to three years ago. And about how I would firmly reject going back to the previous path, no matter how much stability and reputation it promises.
Because I have changed into a completely new person.
For the sky was hollow, and the world was round...
To conform to the herd would be to fall victim to Kierkegaard's Sickness unto Death. A price too high to afford - at least in my case.
(10:10 AM GMT+7 – September 14, 2026)
Some day, you wake up feeling so uncertain about the future. So consumed by the vertigo of possibilities, by the regret of all the paths you have destroyed, that you end up feeling extremely melancholic.
As it is happening to me now...
...
Breathe... breathe... breathe...
...
Well, I belive things are much better now. Let's go!
(08:56 AM GMT+7 – September 18, 2026)
Without music, life would be a mistake.
Friedrich Nietzsche
(01:34 PM GMT+7 – September 19, 2026)
For a time, I thought that reaching out to friends and/or close connections is a reliable way to anchor myself in the storm.
That surely has worked from time to time. That said, I cannot help but notice an occasional disconnect, which has made me more selective when it comes to hanging out.
And to think about it... why is it so unreliable to ask someone for help?
Like, you have already given them two weeks (two weeks) to gear up; and yet they remain silent and unresponsive when you get back to them. When it's already over two weeks.
And to think about how people often do things like robots, without having a serious look at what they are dealing with...
About how they, by default, assume that all it takes to write something is to do research and use your "brain", while completely failing to mention the "soul". The passion, the life that permeates the process...
Is this the result of the hustle culture? Of a society that values speed over depth? Of the various types of "brainless" (or, I have to say, "soulless") entertainment we are seeing these days?
The human brain requires activity, challenge. Either that brain is going to be entertained, the entertainment industry is going to take over that brain, as you are being taken over now – sports, cinema, magazines, temples, they are all entertainments – and football, you know, cricket and all the rest of it. Then what is going to happen? Your brain is taken over by the entertainment industry. And it is being done now, of which you may not be conscious of it. And gradually your brain becomes quite dull, if not already. And either you’re going to be entertained, or you turn totally in a different direction, inwardly. If you turn inwardly there is immense, infinite, everlasting security.
Jiddu Krishnamurti
(08:02 AM GMT+7 – September 21, 2026)
I shouldn't have eaten that loaf of bread. Or, to be more specific, I should have been more careful with chili pepper.
Yesterday was really an agonizing day. It lasted until midnight. And even as of now, it seems that it hasn't completely disappeared yet.
What can I do then? Just keep pushing forward!
Tenki ga chotto yokunai desu kedo, hajimemashou!
(07:42 AM GMT+7 – September 22, 2026)
