June 2026

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It’s gloomy outside…

And somehow, I’m also feeling a little gloomy inside. Though it’s not quite sadness; just… melancholy, I suppose.

Now, where to begin?

June 2

So busy for the last few days. Sometimes, things escalate so quickly. Luckily, not so much that they spiraled out of control.

Somehow, I feel as if I had become 10 years older.

It’s strange. To think that the “roof” is slowly deteriorating. And that one day, one will become the “roof” oneself.

Birth-Old age-Sickness-Death. The cycle keeps spinning.

…

Carpe Diem, I suppose.

Some people do not even want to look at a person when the person is alive, but when the person dies they write eloquent obituaries and make offerings of flowers. At that point the person has died and cannot really enjoy the fragrance of the flowers anymore.
If we really understood and remembered that life was impermanent, we would do everything we could to make the other person happy right here and right now.
Thich Nhat Hanh

Anw, 3 days left. (officially) I’d better hurry.

(09:05 AM GMT+7 – June 2, 2026)

June 3

Feeling a little hungry right now. After all, I woke up earlier than usual (well, when I say “usual”, I mean the recent days) and had breakfast early as a result.

Just finished something that was scheduled long ago. A little giri giri, I guess. But I made it on time. Now I only want to rest a little.

It’s almost lunchtime already. When I’m done, I’m probably going out.

Anw, 2 days left. Let’s see what I can do.

(11:07 AM GMT+7 – June 3, 2026)

June 4

The last day…

It could have been better, the last 30 days. Though I believe I can safely conclude that the period was not a waste at all. That I have done my best.

Now, for the long journey ahead…

(09:11 AM GMT+7 – June 4, 2026)

June 16

Back again after 2 weeks.

It has already started. Well, not the official one, but the non-official one. The one intended to “warm me up” before the real thing.

Time flies. It waits for no one.

So, I’d better make the best out of it. And for that, I need a strategic approach. It’s “either/or”. There’s no place for “both/and” – at least in my situation right now.

(08:45 AM GMT+7 – June 16, 2026)

June 18

Sometimes, I feel uncomfortable with the fact that I am choosing to do things I actively dislike, just so I can sustain my life.

It reminds me of those like Kafka, who struggled to balance their passion – their “real life” – with the kind of “soulless” work they had to endure to survive. Absurdity at its finest!

Sure, the latter allows one to remain financially independent. That one does not have to compromise their own life for success, for “trends”.

I suppose that’s one way to look at it. Well, for now!

(09:06 AM GMT+7 – June 18, 2026)

June 19

Thus to get the princess, to live with her joyfully and happily day in and day out (for it is also conceivable that the Knight of Resignation might get the princess, but that his soul had discerned the impossibility of their future happiness), thus to live joyfully and happily every instant by virtue of the absurd, every instant to see the sword hanging over the head of the beloved, and yet to find repose in the pain of resignation, but joy by virtue of the absurd—this is marvelous.
Soren Kierkegaard

…

Can one look at tragedy in the face, acknowledge it, and still genuinely enjoy the moment?

Can one channel one’s capacity for love and longing—and redirect it inward and upward?

…

Btw, it feels really strange. As if I’m a completely different person every day.

On one day, I may advocate for absolute freedom. On another day, I feel overwhelmed by circumstances I did not choose.

Maybe I should just become who I am – rather than who I was or who I will be?

No need to blindly protect a brand voice. No need to be authentic “just for the sake of authenticity”. (which is, ironically, not authentic at all) No coming, no going. Just here and now.

(08:41 AM GMT+7 – June 19, 2026)